"To be, or not to be? "More like, how am I going to survive this class?!

For me, there was never any doubt in my mind that I would become an English major. From my very first day of first grade, my life has been about preparing for college, more specifically, an English major. Now, the question is not "to be or not to be?" but how the hell am I going to do this? I have always been told that I would be well prepared for college - I took five years of English in high school, and did well with minimal effort. However, after two weeks of college, I feel like I am completely in over my head. When I start understand more in my Spanish classes than my English classes, I know there's a problem. When I open "Falling Into Theory" , I actually WISH that it was in Spanish - at least then I'd have a legitimate excuse for not understanding the language. For me, English has always come easy and for the first time ever, I've had to work for it. However, sometimes the struggle is what makes the ending result that much more enjoyable. While “Falling Into Theory” is quite possibly the most frustrating text I have ever had to read, it is an amazing feeling to hear that even twenty percent of what I interpreted is right. It’s refreshing to be challenged in English - normally I’m just lost in the math and science courses I’m taking, and for once I can honestly say I am confused in an English class. It’s also an amazing, refreshing feeling to be sitting next to kids that are so talented and diverse in their goals within the English department. Sometimes after reading a passage in “Falling Into Theory” (nothing specific comes to mind - the whole book is unreal), I will sit there for a few minutes and just think to myself, “Wow. I didn’t understand ONE word of those twenty pages”. Then I’ll come to class and someone in the second row will have completely understood it and have such an amazing insight into it. I think that’s what makes the English department so much different than other departments. With English, there is the opportunity for so many different interpretations and it’s truly amazing to bounce ideas off of such intelligent scholars, and know that you may never know who is right.  So, while the question may  now be “how the hell am I going to do this?”,  I know that there are twenty other scholars in the same boat as me.

A Different League

So these past couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least. I decided that I wanted to become an English Education major mainly because I love to read and write. Well, I've been doing a lot of both. I'm not complaining though, because while several of the texts I have read have been difficult, I both enjoy the complexity of the ideas as well as enjoy the challege the actual reading presents. At times I might get frustrated when I don't understand exactly what I am reading, but there is a certain sense of accomplishment in figuring it out in context with the rest of the work.

There are several things I've liked about English 102 so far. One of them is that I've never questioned why I read. I mean, I would wonder why it was important enough to be a class, but I enjoy reading enough that the question didn't really bother me. After reading some of Falling Into Theory, though, I now understand that the reasons I read are complex. The best explaination I've found so far is that that literature serves to make people more human, and works towards the betterment of society. When Eagleton compared literature to religion, I at first found that concept shocking, but the more I thought about it the more I realized that literature does function in that kind of way, even if some would argue that it doesn't function quite as deeply.

After reading Distruction Of The Indies, I liked the comparison that was reached between literature and religion by comparing this text and Falling Into Theory. While Las Casas focuses only on religion and the role it played in conquering the native americans, you can see that both work to convince people to act a certain way. I guess this idea is so appealing to me because the stories that mean the most to me really do leave me with the feeling that I've been changed in some way morally.

So basically, so far I like being an Engish major. Although i'm in English Ed, my real dream is to become a writer. I was excited about college because I knew it would be harder than anything else I had ever done, and that at the end of it I would be a more mature and skilled author. I think that this has already started to happen, mostly because instead of just having an idea about how to write, I am now learning why I'm writting in the first place. I'm in a different league than I was in High School, and I think i feel like a little fish who has just been placed in a much bigger container - I'm growing.

I guess this blog isn't really all that entertaining, but I had a lot of things to say that were important to me that I didn't really know how to express in a funny manner. I really am creative though, and I think pretty funny too given the right scenario. I do hope though, that this has helped to illistrate what I've been feeling since the start of school.

English Fun-hundred!!!!!

I forgot a title, so I wrote the abosolute lamest thing I could think of....

Danny B

To add to the frustrations that I will soon talk about, I just wrote out my post, accidentally hit the back button, and lost every last bit of it. So don't punish me if it's five minutes late.

Anyway, it has been a real odd transition for me coming into this 100 class. Back in highschool, even in my honors and AP classes, English seemed to be fairly easy to me. I was able to comprehend what was going on, or I could make stupid jokes about the book while still bringing ideas to the table. Now, I couldn't make a witty or silly remark if I tried. I cannot very well make an immature, or even mature for that matter, joke about our theory book if I don't even know what is going on in it. It is a frustrating feeling when you cannot understand what is going on, or you cannot comprehend what somebody is talking about. I always kind of build this atmosphere around myself when I enter the classroom where I am nervous or wondering if any or everybody was having the same kinds of troubles understanding the reading from the night before. It truly is a pain when I sit there and read something, think I understand it, then realize that I read something the wrong way or have everything contradicted in the next class. Honestly, I knew that it was not going to be easy coming into this class, but I also did not expect everything to be so confusing. Now I have not yet physically or verbally my book yet, that's just not my style. But when I have to re-read a paragraph from Las Casas 5 times to remotely try and understand it with the type of language that is used, its very hard not to call my book a stupid piece of....poopy. Although it is hard, I can't say that I regret taking the course in the least bit. What I don't understand will only make me smarter over time.

One more note..
I told myself that I would not fall asleep in classes this year, so Gabe if you see me fall asleep, feel free to yell at me to wake me up. Otherwise, it should be a fun year.

Danny B

Rollercoasters. Death. Contentment at last.

Hi well I just got home maybe a half an hour ago so I need to do this quickly. I have exactly 48 mins to get this posted! I apologize in advance if my writing isn't up to par with that girl, Gauri Viswanathan, from India. She nearly blew my mind!

Anyway, you asked us what is has been like so far as an English major in Eng 100...so here goes. It has been soooo weird. It seriously has been like a rollercoaster ride, except that after the first loop I died and then magically came back to life . That first reading assignment kicked my butt. It was almost like a completely different language to me. I think I wrote maybe three sentences on it expaining how I couldn't follow the material at all. It was so discouraging. I wanted to call my English teachers back at Metamora and yell "You failed me, why didn't you teach me better!" It was insane. I couldn't understand how a couple of articles in a book could make me doubt myself so much.

So lets just say that I had knots in my stomach walking to class that day. Big knots. HUGE. Amazingly though, class went well. I kept up with our discussion at least I thought. Once the reading was picked apart piece by piece I understood what it meant. It felt like my mind was cleaned of all the crap that the book had cluttered in there.

That night I came across some quotes that encouraged me more. In Falling into Theory, Eagleton writes, "English was an arena in which the most fundamental questions of human existence -what it meant to be a person, to engage in significant relationships with others, to live from the vital center of the most essential values-were thrown into vived relief and made the oject of the most intense scrutiny"(55). Those words shattered a lot of my worries and doubts about this English major crisis. I knew that this was really what English was all about; reading and writing to make yourself a better person.

So that is where I am at right now. I'm content to be an English major. Lord knows that I will have more doubts about what I really want, but for now I know I'm in this program for a reason. That reason was probably to spend $500 on English books, which my dad is still bitter about, but at least I'm in a good place now!

English 100? More like English 1000!

Being a freshman in this English 100 class is terrifying! I can already tell that it will be my hardest class this semester. It's like I jumped from senior year of high school to senior year of college. The homework isn't very long but the amount of time it takes me to even slightly compregend the writing is the same amount of time it takes me to do all my other homework from all my classes. And when I pretty much comprehend the writing its because Mr. Gudding is telling me what it means. This class is hard but it's also enjoyable. I don't enjoy reading the selections but I do enjoy talking about them. While I'm reading them about an hour before class begins, I think to myself. "Who are they to think that they can tell me what to read and how to read it? How patronizing!!" I do like Las Casas book a lot more than Richter's just based on that he writes more about facts and history and Richter's essays are all about peoples opinions on how to read literature. I like reading about facts because I don't have to think if I agree or disagree. They're just right. I also like hearing everyone else's opinion. I sometimes feel intimidated because some of the students really understand the reading and have such great insights about them. I do feel that once the year progresses I will get used to reading such complex material and maybe even enjoy the opinions of those self-loving writers in Richter's book. I know it sounds like I don't enjoy this class but I really do. It's by far my most laid-back class and aside from my spanish teacher who won't allow me to speak english in class, Mr. Gudding is my only semi-young teacher and the most relatable. I don't feel shy to tell the class my opinion and I think everyone else is pretty much as confortable as I am when it comes to expressing our opinions. I believe this class will be hard but I'll get used to it and get through it. I'm just a little overwhelmed right now.

Would have liked a warning

My senior year English teacher didn’t come off as being a genius or overly scholarly and she went to the ILL-STEW so I thought hell if she can do it I can do it! I mean she never gave me a warning “ wow !Alanna after reading your papers for this past semester I really don’t think you should go to ISU and be an English major, you’ll get this teacher… Gabe for 100, and sure you’ll think 100… EASY A… ha he’ll tear you apart! He’ll make you read book after book, and this one book… oh yeah Falling into Theory… will be the death of you. It has words longer than your left arm, and more hidden deeper meanings than the beers you will drink there! Alanna , you’re a nice girl and all but don’t go to ISU and become an English major and take English 100… with Gabe” yeah she never gave me that speech. Would have been nice of her, but she didn’t. so once I’m done with this blog I’m probably going to quick write her an e-mail… blaming her for me failing 100. Seriously though 100 is not what I expected at all. Ordering the books over the summer I thought wow Metaphors we Live By, and Defense of Poetry, I’m going to learn how to use metaphors and become an awesome poet. Not wow I’m going to sit out in the lobby each night till 2am reading the same sentence over and over again hoping that maybe I’ll eventually understand a bit of it, at least enough to write a summary about it. Then going into class the second day and discussing reading, I felt like the stupidest(I know it’s not a word) kid in the whole college, I started thinking of other skills I have, because clearly reading about theory and discussing it was not one of them. I called my mom afterwards informing her that I was going to change my major to a gym teacher. But then I remembered the paper I had to write for 101, and how a man was put in front of a door and was told he wasn’t allowed in and the man just left. I was telling myself I’m stupid, I can’t do this, I’ll never make it, Gabe hates me because I read the reading wrong and totally agreed with the lady he totally disagreed with, I’m just going to quit. But I don’t want to be like the idiot at the grate who just left and gave up. I’m going to be the idiot who sticks with English 100 and fails! =] Alanna

English Major?? I dont know about that anymore..

First of all, English is awesome and you can do so much with it. Talk about reading, writing, acting, translating, performing, publishing, and god only knows what else. English has so many levels of difficulty as well as strangely interesting topics. Many cultures have their own language and yet how many cultures are there? Las Casas is by far the most interesting and intriguing piece of writing that i have read so far. I took a spanish course my junior year( AP Spanish 5 to be exact) and that class spent the year doing research on ancient latin american civilization and it has brought back so many memories from that year. Maybe i might change into Spanish Education.. haha I am more into reading the texts and understanding the writing rather than actually learning the rules and and forms of writing. It sucked so much that year because it wasnt just reading involed we had to do both the writing and reading at the same time. I was challenging but i got a 4 on the AP test. My high school teacher senior year was Mr. Rodrigues, (with an S not a Z) he was awesome, he had a huge impact on my decision of becoming an english ed major. His was of teaching was something unexplainable and i fould the most efficient out of my 4 years there. The way he spoke to us, in a way connected our minds together and at the end we all were on the same page. I guess you had to be there to understand where im coming from. We read 1984 amd by far i thought that was too hectic, but coming here and reading Richter i wanna shoot myself( not literally though). Enough about that, I want to be the cool english teacher that shows up to class on the first day, seems like would be an easy course and make things fun and out of no where get serious. I found that system is efficient. I want to be able to feel comfortable with my students and not have them intimidated or feel shy or uncomfortable. So even though i was put throught that in high school, i at least wont be the same way to my kids someday....hopefully soon...

Ink Artist

The brilliance behind creative writing is that it's essentially so easy. Ok, of course there are those with dyslexia or, you know, somebody born without hands or something but the premise remains the same: anyone can tell a story. The fascinating part is that, while anyone can tell a story, with writing there are dozens of ways that you can show it. In many ways, the author's piece of paper can convey as much meaning as an artist's canvas. For example, Las Casas uses the word "Christian" to describe the same people who run innocent children through with their weapons. He could have just as easily said "Spaniards", or even "Men" if he wanted to be simple. But no, he uses the juxtaposes the word "Christian" with such terrible acts of violence to show that the same people who murder pregnant women and kill for no discernible reason consider themselves to be holy, to be just, to be the virtuous. This is the power that a writer has.
It doesn't stop with words either. The way the writing is arranged can convey a great deal as much as any frilly sentence could. Page breaks, indentations, punctuation can all be used to show what the writer is trying to say. Sure, the story may not use proper grammar or the MLA's version of English, but it doesn't matter. A short paragraph could be short for a reason. Words can be misspelled to show the narrator's simplicity. Page format can be twisted and formed into something akin to a Picasso painting and the best part is that it all means something. It's fascinating and I honestly can't see it any other way.
However, to wield this power, first you need to understand the language you're writing in. Before you can twist it and turn it and rearrange it to your will, you need to know how to use it correctly. A lion tamer can't hope to control a feral animal without first understanding it's inner mechanizations. It is the same with English. Without understanding it, all the multi-syllabic words like "demarcated" or "pedagogy" or anything with a "post-" at the front of it could very well eat you alive. Or, at the very least, make you want to burn a dictionary. This is why I became an English major. I want to make the language mine. I don't want to say that I merely understand the language; I want to be able to say that I know it and have conquered it. Maybe someday, with a little help, I will.

You'd Think English 100 Would Be Easier than 101.......

I've sat here staring at the blank blog post for about twenty minutes now. This, of course, is after it took me roughly thirty minutes to think up the title. These first two weeks of English 100 have been rather overwhelming, to say the least. I believe I have called home complaining in frustration every single night due to the assigned readings. Our most recent reading in Falling Into Theory, Introduction to Masks of Conquest by Gauri Viswanathan, proved to be most frustrating of them all. About half way through I began to highlight anything I just plain did not understand. Ten minutes later, I realized 90% of the page managed to become neon yellow. These nearly impossible readings have surprisingly not lead me to question my English major...yet. I became an English major because I have always been intrigued by the fact that there is no right or wrong answer and that literature can be interpreted in an endless amount of ways.
I always feel some reassurance when I come to class and many other people have the same frustrated look on their faces due to the reading from the night before. I am hoping that some of it will begin to make sense and that soon the pages won't nearly blind me as much due to the excessive highlighting.

d

It's funny. I remember telling myself that before I went off to college that I would stop procrastinating like I did in high school. I would study dilligently, listen to my teachers, and get good grades. And it is funny because almost everything that i told myself I would do, the exact opposite has occurred. Granted, I do not procrastinate as much, but with this 100 class, it is almost imperative to make sure that you read and have everything ready to roll in order to avoid looking like an idiot. There is always a sort of uneasy atmosphere that I put myself in when I enter the classroom, just wondering if anybody is able to understand it better than I can. It's been a really hard adjustment coming from an environment where I have been able to put a lot of humor into my response and discussion of a book, and here, I cannot even begin to try and think of something witty or even remarkably silly to say, because I have a lot of trouble understanding much of the readings. I cannot very well make a "poop" joke about our theory book, especially when I wouldn't know what to make the joke about. I also told myself that I would try to act a bit more mature than I have in the past school years (even though I still find the most childish things funny. It is my greatest wish to one day relate our readings to the childish humor that brings amusement to every nine-year-old boy). It is very frustrating when you feel like you are finally comprehending what you have read and then realize upon furthur thought that you have no idea what the hell anybody is talking about. I mean I know that it was not going to be as easy as it has been in the past, but I guess I never really expected to have everything that I've read (or what I have attempted to read) to be as confusing linguistically as it has been.

One more note, I also told myself that I would not be falling asleep in class, so Gabe, if you see me do it again, feel free to yell at me to wake me up. It's not that I find any of what we do in class boring, but it gets to be very tiring reading and talking about ideas that I am barely capable of understanding. So again, my apologies if thta annoys the hell out of anybody. If you happen to find it amusing (as I so often do when others fall asleep), feel free to give me shit about it or just laugh as I slowly fall out of my chair.

Danny B

HEY

MY PICTURE DID NOT POST UP WITH MY BLOG THING IT WAS THIS: GO TO THIS LINK AND SEE THE PICTURE FOR THE POST BELOW! THANK YOU: http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1173/1225274637_85fac883b1.jpg

"Since when can weathermen predict the weather? Let alone the future!" (Marty McFly)

I like to pretend that I can see the future.

It's probably not the best of habits, but I can stop whenever I want to. How I do this is, when you clean out your room, or the basement, or even a car at my house, you tend to find lots of old magazines, mainly People or Good Housekeeping (my mother's periodical of choice). What I do is, I scour these magazines. Keep in mind, I know that I have already read these magazines for ever since I could read; I've finished them within the first three days they are at the house.

Inside these articles, are tales of found and lost love, the next "big" stars and the books that will change the world. But I see the next ex's, last year's Razzie award winner, and birdcage lining.

And I tell them. Yes, that’s right, I speak to the magazines. I tell them the future that they have yet to experience. Because I've lived it, I know what their next best move is. I'll be the first to admit that it's not very nice and probably pretty unhealthy, but I like the feeling of knowing something no one else does. Even if my only audiences are glossy 6x8's that have no hope of defending themselves. Normally I have no interest in the lives of celebrities, but there is something about their failings that make them seem so human, a fault that some find refreshing while I find it scary. I don't want these people to be human. They are above human. They should be a separate race of super-humans with the power to always have cameras with them. There is something about their failings that worries me. If they do not make good decisions, and they have hundreds of people who are paid to help them make decisions, how in the name of George Picard am I supposed to make huge life changing decisions on my own?
I'm not a risk taker, and to be totally honest, I don't like when others take big risks either. It makes me really nervous. Almost every (important) action I've ever taken has been planned for some time. Don't get me wrong, I can be quite spontaneous when it comes to what to do on a Friday night, or what to get people for birthday presents. But when it comes to big decisions, it’s not pretty. I fret about things forever, and anger everyone around me with my inability to focus on anything else. Choosing a college was a terrible ordeal for pretty much everyone around me.
However, sometimes this works in my favor. The reason I am an English major is because I have thought about it since the 8th grade. This is what I am good at, and conveniently, it is what I enjoy as well. Yes this class is hard, for I have always struggled with theory and critique of literature, but I find the things that we cover pretty interesting. And to be totally honest, I like the challenge. I went into college expecting the classes to be difficult. So this is meeting my expectations. Plus, I feel that this class will help me in a lot of my future endeavors. For reading something and getting all that you possibly can out of it, is a skill that you can take straight to the bank.

More Books Then Even Mrs. Milner Could Handle!

Alright, do not get me wrong. I like reading, I like writing, and honestly, I like speaking. So I thought "hell why not be an English major!" In high school this idea seemed so cool, I was the only one of my friends who knew exactly what they wanted to do. As summers end approached, I was thinking to myself "why not by my books online instead to paying $9,000 for them else where." To my surprise when I logged on to my icampus and looked at my book list....one class had more books than all my other classes put together. Everyone laughed and naggingly said "Stop complaining, your going to be and English teacher." Like I said do not get me wrong, I love reading, it just so happens I do not like reading everyday of my life! I tried judging all the books by the covers and they seemed attractive enough to read. Little did I know that every word in our Falling Into Theory book flies over my head like a flock of birds. I read it, then re-read it....and write a response to it....and.....I still do not get it. I am starting to wonder what our teacher thinks after he reads our responses, actually mainly mine since I cannot really speak for everyone else. I know after class when I read my responses after we have talked about the passages in class I laugh. Not because they are funny, its more of a pity laugh....like seeing someone fall. You know, I think reading also would not be as bad if I did not like reading in my room, to some this may seem like no problem, but when your roommate some how has the amazing multi-tasking skills of listening to a mini rock concert in the room while watching T.V. I am just hoping that our novels get a little more interesting throughout the semester! Oh.....ummm I think were supposed quote passages; Falling Into Theory pg 63 "Therefore,  the suggestion that modern Indian education grew out of a body of utterances that embodied the collective attitudes..." Did not understand... pg 64 "But, paradoxically, those measures took the form of instruction in that same literature for which preparation was deemed necessary..." Did not understand. I think the Indies book is pretty "Trippy" as our teacher would say (did spell check pop up for anyone else if they tried to spell trippy? I did not really know that was not a word.)  It's crazy how Spaniards just decided that they could take the lives of others, especially after saying that they are good Christians. Is that a joke? Good Christians? I am pretty sure that their 'god' would be a little upset with them. Wow, ok funny that I was talking about my roommate considering HE JUST STARTED HIS ROCK CONCERT AGAIN! Seriously, does anyone know how I can switch rooms? Well, anyway hope others are having as fun as I am in English 100. Alright, well I'll see you guys Tuesday at 3:35! Have a good weekend, and if you're going home get there safely, and if you're staying here, have fun. Good Bye

-Donny....with a 'Y'

Comics I Intend and Don't Intend to Understand

Usually a comic I enjoy reading, xkcd, this particular one of it pretty much sums up, while, fittingly, I'm currently ditching my ridiclously simple and brain cell-killing math class today, why I'm an english major. The more comics this site posts about linux, science and etc., the more certain I am that I don't even want to understand what it's talking about, as it really doesn't interest me.

Not only has english always been a staple of my sanity, but it's been my passion as well. And while I hadn't caught a few points of the last readings that we discussed in class, in their entirety they've convinced me that I'm in the right place, because, not to sound too sappy, but writing has been there for me all these years as a channel of expression in ways that nothing else has been, which is why I led only two, not to mention, not widely known of, english clubs at my high school. It crept up on me, in a way, that my boyfriend's a chemistry major, and whenever I see his math and science textbooks I'm always relieved, that after sophomore year or so I'll never have to take either subject again!

Now back to the comic thing, this is another comic I read, less often now, called picturesforsadchildren. Obviously it's a very dry comic, funny in its own way but my sister, who majored in english before switching to law school, informed me that every day of this comic is based on a classic literary work or poem. I found this mind-boggling, and as the days went on I understood fewer and fewer of them, not having read the texts. So one of my goals now is to have read enough to understand and know the context of at least most of them.

The Title is Always the Hardest Part to Think of...

I didn’t know elephants could swim. That blows my mind. I found that out this past week. There are pictures to prove it. They use their trunks as snorkels and practically scuba dive a good 4 feet beneath the surface. These massive four ton beasts can swim! They do a sad sort of doggie-paddle and stay afloat. The damned organic anchors are even known to swim for miles to get to some far off place. I find this absolutely astounding. Seriously, mind-blowing is an understatement.

I guess I find this interesting because apes can’t swim. The mighty fore-fathers of mankind simply cannot tread water. Not at all. They can wade through water, but that’s where their aquatic adventures end. They’ve even been known to shove a stick into water to test its depth, but never swim. They freak out too much. They hit the water and spaz. They end up drowning themselves because they can’t remain calm enough to get to the shore.

I’m not going to exaggerate and say that I’m horribly burdened, nor am I going to lie and say that college is a piece of cake. I’ve never chucked a book against the wall, but I’ve also never spent so long reading six pages. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression. I get completely lost in the arduous jargon of “Falling into Theory,” just like everyone else. I have a big question mark over the top paragraph of page 63 and if anyone would like to fill me in on what it actually means, please go ahead. I guess I’m just different in the fact that I don’t let it get to me too much. Don’t confuse this with apathy because it’s not. I find it all very interesting; I just don’t freak out when I don’t know the answer. It’s not because I don’t care, it’s because I’m here to learn. I’m not expected to know everything yet. I’m learning. I’m a student. For now I’m in survival mode. I’m just keeping my head above the water. I’m just swimming.

Jeepers!

We are only two weeks into class, and I already feel slightly overwhelmed. Being an English major, naturally I am supposed to love all of this reading, but the text found in Falling Into Theory is more difficult to comprehend than anything I have read in the past. However, this is coming from someone who thought Beloved was hard to follow. While reading the different passages found in Falling Into Theory as well as in Destruction of the Indies, I constantly have to look up definitions for words that exceed far beyond my vocabulary. However, being the nerd that I am, I secretly like the challenge, but don’t tell anyone. Although these books can be slightly difficult to comprehend, once you get over the language the authors use, I find the content is rather intriguing. I’ve never actually sat down and thought about why and how I read. At first, it seemed like a rather pointless topic to discuss, but in reality it raises rather complex questions to which there are many answers. I think what strikes me the most about this course is the fact that I am able to explore the text and express my opinions either through my writing response or out loud during class. I love that there’s not necessarily a right or wrong answer. It is, to a certain extent, all a matter of your interpretation. This type of learning is a nice change of pass from the calculus problems I’ve been doing that demand only one answer, and it must be the answer found in the book not just what I think the answer is or should be. I also enjoy the fact that we are able to have fun while discussing such heavy literature. This is this type of class that encourages me to still be an English major. I anticipate that this class will continue to challenge me, but I look forward to overcoming that challenge in such a fun atmosphere!

The Plea of Jeckyll and Hyde

I write here my first journal entry (out of perhaps many) that will hopefully purge my bottled up secret. The mind can only take secrecy so much. The darkest places in our hearts must be visited, else they will grow lonely. By reading this letter then, you put my heart to an easier rest.

A notice to my fellow readers: I have a shocking condition that might disturb and even frighten. So I ask that you read with caution and tolerance. And now, without further ado, let me begin my dreadful tale.

My English studies began on Tuesday, the 19th of August. It was a field unfamiliar to me; and although I did not share a passion for reading and writing as my colleagues, I still felt drawn by the incredible energy that was English. Putting my doubts behind me, however, I followed my powerful gut -- a choice that I may end up regretting for the rest of my life.

I was a gentleman and a scholar. I took home with me my first text to study, entitled: Falling into Theory. It was a beast if it weren't a demon! Its complexity would scare off the most astute scholars; but I cut through those pages like vegetation. I was an explorer of literature to say the least. I was, what they call, on fire! My pencil fluttered from page to page marking to and fro. By Jove! I could have been a master (my picture shown above). The satisfaction that followed my studies was palpable. I could feel the surge of accomplishment rushing through my veins. How glorious it was; and how short lived it was...

The next day, I was assigned another reading from the beast. Strangely enough, however, I felt as if my energy had disappeared. I was not as thrilled as I was before. I mistakenly accepted the challenge. I was over confident; I was, perhaps, not the scholar I thought I was. For that night, in the quiet of my studies, I came across a passage so vile, so horrifying, that I almost dispensed waste in my pants. It read, "It is precisely within the interrelated dynamics of a discourse of commitment, self critique and indeterminacy that pedagogy can offer educators, students, and others the possibility for embracing higher education as a critical public sphere while simultaneously guarding against the paralyzing orthodoxies that close down rather than expand democratic public life" (24). I sat with my mouth agape, silent.

What happened next was miraculously horrifying! The veins in my head began to throb. My temples were fiery hot, and my fingers almost crushed the pencil in my hand. I was boiling in frustration; I could feel steam! I was no longer a gentleman nor a scholar -- I was a beast! I could no longer concentrate on the material. The words on the page were scribbles and I hated them! I had transformed into something horrible; my roommate was a witness to it. I no longer felt any desire for English studies!

I woke up the next morning with my work unfinished. I was disheveled -- a different man! It was as if I had two men living inside me! One that loved, and one that hated the work I chose to follow. I shouted to the skies above, cursing the Gods for my fate... and waking up my roommate in the process.

My plea: I find myself going through the transformation every day. One night I'm a scholar, the next a frustrated creature. I am cursed; and I ask that if anyone understands or shares my condition, that they step up and help me find a cure! I am desperate; I need help. But I shall go on. Because no matter what state my mind may be in, I know I will find myself again. I will find MY path.

Just wondering, English style^^;

As the novelty of one of my first English classes in a college setting fades in the background, I think I'm ready to evaluate what I really feel. What I'm feeling is a mixture of all the positives and the negatives you could ever see in a rainbow. I'm excited, I'm scared, I'm liberated, I'm nervous and I'm happy that I'm now part of English 100. However nerdy and silly it is for me to admit, I was really glad when I saw the number of books we had to read. Now, I'm not usually happy to read what I'm required to read, but when it came to English and anything English-related, I was always one of the first ones who willingly tried a book...most of the time. The first pages of Falling into Theory killed that willingness. If it was at all possible, if I killed the thought that burning books is a blasphemy, I would set up a pyre, burn Falling into Theory and rename it Falling into the Fire instead. Just thinking of the book itself sends my mind into a rampage. Other than that fury, that abominable book, I have a feeling that I'll manage to enjoy or, at the very least, survive the reality of becoming an English Major. Part of that prediction has something to do with the other book the class is reading as well. Much Abbreviated... is a fascinating book, it offers me a very realistic proof of how lucky I am that I'm born in this century, that such cruelty that Las Casas described is now gone, although, I have to admit, there are also some parts where I hate reading Las Casas more than Falling into Theory. Those parts are mostly when Las Casas insists on thinking that all the people who killed were Christians. It just makes me want to raise him from the grave and ask him if he has proof that the people who committed such atrocities were really and truly without a doubt Christians. Aside from that, the other reason comes from the entertainment that Gudding offers. I'll admit it, he cracks me up so often. The rate he talks and the instances he's said the word f*** are hillarious. Because of him, because of Las Casas, because of the amazing staircase back at Williams, because of my innate love of English, I think I’d be able to stay on the path to becoming a successful English major.

Holy English Batman.....

All I can say is wow. Coming from high school I never opened a book, or studied, this whole thing of "studying" is foreign to me. I'm not a genius who is above studying in the least, but high school was easy. This is a whole new experience for me, and I like it. I'm actually being challenged, for the first time in my life I am spend more time on school work then fun. In most of my high school English classes we watched movies, and never were required to read (how about that?). Well that was actually a problem in my case because I like to read. I like writing even more, I am not so sure if I like this whole blog idea, but I love creative writing. I think what attracts me to being an English major the most would have to be the fact that everything is debatable. There is really no wrong, or right answer, it is all in how you interpret things. Math is a subject that kills my GPA because of all the logic involved. Honestly, I don't care what x equals. Sometimes I fear that I am not good enough at writing to be an English major, but then I remember how bad I am at math. I also enjoy reading the books assigned in English 100. So I don't know if this is a rude reaction, but I find it kind of funny how we are reading a book about the theory of reading. I think it is very intriguing, but at the same time sort of odd. I am struggling a little with the context, but so are the others I have talked with in the class. I feel over time we will all catch on and learn how to write with big words like Gauri Viswanathan. Until then I will continue to enjoy stressing myself out over trying to understand Falling Into Theory. The other book we are currently reading, Destruction of the Indies, is much easier to comprehend. I think it is something everyone should read. The translator gets the point across with all the abuse and brutality the Indians endured. Even though things, such as mothers being good mothers, yet eating their babies, are a little hypocritical. The most disturbing piece of the book, in my opinion, would have to be on page nineteen. "And thinking a while the lord asked the Holy Father whether Christians went to the sky. The priest replied that they did, but only those who were good. And the cacique then said without thinking on it anymore, that he did not desire to go to the sky, but rather down to hell, so that he would not be were they were and would not see such cruel people." According to this, the cacique would prefer the devil over these people. If Terry Eagleton is right and reading literature does make us a better person I want to read as much as possible so I am never like the Christians in Las Casas. I feel that I have learned quite a bit since the first day of this class, I hope in continues to be challenging. I will be a good person because I love being an English major and reading is most of what we do.

English...now that's trippy

I have always loved English, but with saying this I have always loved math and psychology. So what made English jump above all of the other subjects? Why do I want to teach this subject above all of the rest? I came to Illinois State University not really knowing the answer to this question, and I realize that I may not know what makes English so much better than all the other subjects until I finish my education here. These past few weeks at school have been very chaotic (to say the least) I am in two history classes which give about more reading every night than our English class does, which does not make much sense to me. Nothing, however, has been compared to the craziness I feel in English 100. It is an amazing class; I have already learned and spoke at a level which I have never thought about doing in high school. The books that we are reading right now are at a level which I do not believe I have ever read at, but to me this is a good thing. I love the fact of reading something that is outside of my range, because then I know after a while books will get harder to read, and what I am reading now will seem easy. I would usually not read something like Las Casas “Destruction of the Indies” because I am a person who hates gore and gruesome imagery. Las Casas does a great job of making my skin crawl, especially with his gruesome pictures. “Falling into Theory” is also an interesting book. I say this because I have never read anything where I only understand the material half of the time. For the first time in my life I actually had ideas of throwing the book outside my thirteenth floor of Watterson. When I read how the Indians are tortured in “Destruction of the Indies” I feel like the same thing is happening to me, only “Falling into Theory” is torturing my brain. Hopefully my love for English will only grow here at ISU and my classes, although they are difficult, is doing a great job of challenging me.

Why I am an English Major

English has always been my strong subject, where as in math or science class I really never had much to say. I have always loved going to class weather if it consisted of diagramming sentences, novel reviews or just lecturing. Because of this, in accompany with my love for reading and writing, i decided that majoring in English was my best road to success.
Coming to Illinois State I really didn't know what to expect. I definitely do not consider myself one of the smartest students to have graduated from my high school but it was safe to say that i was in the top 20th percentile. Would English classes be much harder here? They were a breeze in high school. Do i really love reading as much as i think? What if i stop enjoying reading when i have to start reading 70 pages every night? And writing, do i really have the ability to write at a college level and not only survive but to excel and have all honors? Just thinking about all of this gives me more stress but in a way is therapeutic.
Speaking of stress, I'd like to elaborate on the stress i have been feeling this semester in particular. I believe I can from a pretty prestigious high school district, i have heard it is one of the best in the entire mid-west area, but did they prepare me for this? Did they prepare me to depict "Falling Into Theory" or "Las Casas?" As of now, i feel that i am struggling to some extent, but i know my peers are as well. I did read some more dense novels in high school, such as "1984" but i do believe parts of "Falling Into Theory" are much more challenging.
One of the more challenging passages is the one written by Gauri Viswanathan. I found myself struggling to concentrate and realized I was just reading and not comprehending.
I love reading and i love writing. I love the structure of the English language and love being able to string words together and evoke emotions in my reader and more importantly, myself. Will I stay with the English major? Probably. I feel that with my strong passion for this language and a passion for teaching and working with children that i will persevere through it and overcome obstacles as they come. All I have to keep in mind is just to wait for those obstacles to come and not worry until they get here.

Just the beginning

As I sit here wondering what to write, I realize that I have never written a blog before. I am not sure of what to write, or what might come next.It is a new experience for me, much like being an English Major in English 100. Looking back at my past high school English classes, I realize those were all a breeze. Although some texts were deeper with meaning than others, I eventually got to the point and never really felt like anything in those classes were a struggle for me. Well, being here is a different story. I am not sure of anything. The books, the language,  everything we are being introduced to is new. My way of thinking has already changed in the past few weeks and I have come to realize that even how I am reading and interpreting things have changed as well. Even though this class has at times has made me so angry that I sometimes throw my book across the floor, I realize that the more I read, interpret, and not give up, the less I will end up throwing my book. Instead I wont want to put it down, interested in the language it contains, and the meaning between each line. This class is unique because it does not just teach about the basics of English, but so much more. While reading "Falling Into Theory", I came across a quote that really made an impression on me. The quote says, "Like religion, literature works primarily by emotion and experience..."(Eagleton 51). Although I would not ever compare anything with religion to the extreme, I believe this quote is making a good point. Literature involves one's emotions and experience. By reading various material, writing, and learning new things all while studying literature is a way of experiencing others work, points of view, and opportunity for new ideas. Not only does Literature involve experience, but emotion as well. Every time someone reads,writes, or interprets something they are unconsciously putting their feelings and emotions into their thoughts and ideas about what they are reading or writing. Although this is just the beginning, I know that in the end, every book I throw, frustration that comes to mind, will be worth it. Because, in order to learn English and Literature one must experience and feel what they are learning in order to fully understand.