A good hard look at me.

This is not a disclaimer by any means, but where do i start? How do i begin? What the heck does Gabe want??!! Ill take a stab at it i guess...

born in the good town of Arlington Heights, right outside Chicago. I guess you could day it was "suburbia."
I was born sick, small, and unsure if i would make it.
Well over a month premature with the cord around my neck
stranglleing me. Little did my parents and doctor know
i only had half a stomach.

I was brought into this world with a purpose,
my mother tells me.
I was the third child my mother bared,
and 4 years after i was born my older brother died.
menegitis. swelling of the brain. blind. deaf. seisors.
Well before i was born my parents knew he might not make it.
I was conceieved with the thought of bringing "normacy" back.
little did they know i am the most genetically screwed up child.
asthma
acid reflux
countless stomach reconstrontion sugeries
OCD
depression
Tourettes Syndrome.
not many people know the struggle
of tourettes syndrome. The constant urges to twitch and flinch, and no, I DO NOT SCREAM PROFANITIES. I hate more than anything in this world, the misconception of what Tourettes Syndrome really is. Thank you, South Park.....

Growing up, watching my parents spilt, watching my father cheat on my mother. Being forced to go to his house as kids with my older sister, my protector, my "mom away from mom."
I knew she had incredible stress on her, being 10 when i was 6. the stress she had to shield my eyes from my true father.
toilet filled with ashes and always having a strange smell.
white powder on the dresser.
plastic bags filled with grass.
the memory of my 11 year old older sister
emgraved in my mind forever,
flushing the bags down the toilet, and pushing the powder aside, just so i could stay
innocent.
and i was innocent, compared to her.
But i saw things, things a 6,7,8 year old should never have seen.
but i thank her for that.

moving past the dark memories and on to the good.
aunt living four houses down from us, grandparents a block away.
the closest family u will ever meet.
dinner every sunday and my grandmas with the whole family.
big italian dinner, buseta, gnocci, lazanga and pazelzes.

soccer, swimming, softball, karate, volleyball. i loved sports, and still do.
city champion in breast stroke and free, i still believe i hold the record
in Arlington Hts.
middle school, dark and sad memories.
diagnosed with depression, OCD and tourettes...feeling alone, sad, bad bad thoughts.
highschool, amazing memories. medication fixed it, but bad sideeffects.
took up cheerleading, best idea ever. had amazing times at competitions and working hard on routines.

CAMP SOAR. cant say all i want to say about this life changing expirence of being a camp counsler at this special education camp.
7 years.
no one will ever understand, until you expirence it.
it is life changing.
i am so happy my best friends have expirenced this. u never know what u can do, until you have been pushed past your limits, and you understand other humans on a different level, no matter what their disability is.
this, has deffinitly shapped me more than i believe anything besides my constant stuggle with my health.

several boyfriends in highschool, but i finally have it right.
the love of my life.
met at work, jewel osco. i was a cashier, he was a manager.
he hit on me, i didnt want much to do with him.
fell in love and dont know what id do without him now.