I want this paper to help me understand why I am the way I am. I feel like I’ve forgotten (or pushed out of memory) so many experiences in my life that I’ve lost sight of who I was and who I want to be. I want this paper to help put my current life into perspective in the grand scheme of experiences past and future.
Weirdest thing about me: I refuse to wear t-shirts or anything short sleeved. I didn’t notice it until this year, but I own hardly anything but sweaters and long-sleeved shirts. It’s messed up. And I’m addicted to diet pepsi. I mean, literally. I can’t go a day without it.
I thought my family was extremely normal until I made friends (and by that, I mean like two friends) in junior high and realized that your parents are supposed to like each other, so I was pretty happy when my dad moved out in 8th grade.. which is kinda sick I guess. Parents stayed separated for 6 years (also kinda weird) and are finally getting divorced this year... perfect timing for a financial crisis with college bills coming in. Oldest of two, younger sister is 16... Never really liked her when we were little so when stuff gets bad for her, I usually get blamed for it, because I was "so mean". I don't buy into it. Grow up and deal with your own problems. It sucks pretty badly, but I have this sick mentality of “better me than someone else”... so I usually get walked all over. I’m the girl that did her friends homework in high school so they would like her, the one that proof read thousands of incomplete sentence fragments, the one that cleans up the puke and is the babysitter at everything, the one that got arrested so her friends wouldn’t get in trouble.. and then watched all of these same “friends” turn their backs....yeah, I’m that girl. Some people call it caring too much, I call it really, REALLY stupid. And EMBARRASSING. I can honestly say that at this point in my life I don’t even know how to express my own opinions or stand up for myself in any way.
The New Lenox/Mokena are where I grew up is beautiful. The area itself, I mean. The people are scum. I’m a huge sucker for the big trees, the parks, the big houses, the pretty schools, the sidewalks and the flower beds. Love ‘em. The people, however, are the lowest scum of the earth. I partly wish one of them (hopefully one of my scumbag friends) stumbles upon this so they will know how trashy I think they really are, regardless of the fact that they drive awesome cars. They really get off on watching other people suffer, and it’s a form of entertainment for someone else to be in pain. It’s sick stuff. I miss like, three people out of the 24,651, and I’m related to two of them.
I really miss my Nonny. It sounds so ridiculous and corny but I miss my grandmother probably more than anyone else. She did the majority of disciplining me, even from an early age. She is hard-core, old school Italian. Any Italians that read this know the terror of the wooden spoon and that it only takes ONE good smack and you have learned your lesson for LIFE. She’s a hard core old lady, but she knows how to get down... She’s 83 years old and goes running every morning and kicks the asses of everyone in town in their poker league. It’s entertaining, to say the least. She sends us $5 every holiday in a cute, holiday card. For holidays like, labor day and stuff. It’s hilarious and amazing. She’s also paying my college tuition.
I wasn’t super rich like the rest of the people I knew, either. I didn’t get a car when I turned 16. I didn’t have super-cute clothes, which, for a 16 year old, SUCKS. I got a job two months after I turned 15 and worked at least 50 hours a week, in addition to school, music lessons, and badminton practice, all to pay for the luxuries I thought I “like, so totally, completely, omg HAD TO HAVE”. Waste of my life. Past 4 years of working, $20,000... spent on bullshit to make people like me. The same people that sat in the back of MY car, watching me get taken away in a squad car so THEY wouldn’t get in trouble. Classy.
If I remembered anything from my childhood, I’d write about it, but all I remember from before junior high is my phone number from my house in Floosmoor and that my aunt’s house smells like cigarette smoke.
"Any situation in which some men prevent others from engaging in the process of inquiry is one of violence. The means used are not important; to alienate men from their own decision making is to change them into objects." - Freire
This was a lot easier to write than I thought it would be, mostly because I hate it here and I hate everyone I know, so it was easy to write my grievances against them... Like an extreme, online festivus.
By the way, Vincent Aguilar that posted at 11:28 AM, I love the Lawrence Arms (and Sundowner) and I officially think you rock. Their concert in January was amazing and probably one of the best I’ve ever been to.
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